Depressed

Alright...this post is going to be one giant pitty party, but I just need to get all the emotions I'm feeling out.

I found out today that a family member is pregnant. She hasn't been married a year yet. I've been so emotional today since finding out and I can't stop crying. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. It's just not fair.

I just want to start screaming WHY NOT ME?! Are you freakin kidding me?! I've been married for almost 3 years now...where the hell is my baby?! People who are close to me know a lot more about our pain and struggles than most people in my life do.

I'm so sick of people asking me "when are you going to have a baby?" "Don't you want children?" "If you just relax it'll happen" SHUT UP!!

I just literally want to scream at those comments sometimes. If they only knew how hurtful those phrases are to me. I do well for so long and then at times like this I just get so deep in a depression that it hurts to even get out of bed. My whole body aches from it.

It makes me so angry to see all these women just getting pregnant left and right and especially people who don't deserve children (like those idiots I used to work for). It's not fair when you want a baby so badly and all it seems to be is happened around you. I would give anything...

Sorry for all the complaining for those who have kept reading to this point. Wanted to be a mom so badly and it being so difficult is the worst feeling in the world. Not only do I feel sorry for myself, but for Cam too. I know he wants a baby also and I feel like such a failure that it's not happening.

So for now, well tonight at least, the pitty party is over. I guess it's time for bed and hopefully I'll feel better in the morning...